Two things can be true.
I won't get into specifics, but let's just say the past several months have included hits I didn't see coming and some dynamics that have been... a lot.
But, in the middle of all that, I've had these moments that felt almost absurd in their smallness but mattered anyway: the way my son's eyes glinted when he taught me about iron age roundhouses (don’t quiz me), the autumnal sunshine on a morning walk I practically forced myself to go on, the feeling of accomplishment from setting out and completing something I'd committed to.
None of these things solved the problems I was experiencing. But they reminded me, every day, that there is still, at least opportunity of, the incredible - even when other parts of life feel dreary, hard and weird. Some of those experiences I can have say and control over. Some I noticed I was not seeing naturally, and tried harder to see them. And cumulatively those small things turn into a big counteract.
When things are difficult - or, let's face existing in 2025 - some idiot chirping about silver linings is less helpful and more like trying to minimise or gaslight your actual experience. That won't be me.
But here's what I will say: perspective isn't about pretending the hard stuff isn't hard. It's about recognising that multiple things can be true, and that you do have power to adapt and augment your perspective, little by little. And that will have a HUGE impact on your well-being and how you will go about moving forward.
The Rain
I saw this illustration the other day: two windows, both showing the same rainy, gloomy weather outside. The first window is just rain. But the second has a coffee mug, a candle, a book on the windowsill. The caption said something like, "You can't always have a good day, but you can always face a bad day with a good attitude."
My reaction if I saw this a few months ago? Gurrrrl, please. When you’re going through something difficult, being told to light a candle and adjust your attitude can feel very, well, dismissive.
But what resonates for me today: the rain is real - it's raining a lot, actually. Still, I can still put a candle on my windowsill and make myself feel cosy.
Both things can be true.
Perspective is choosing to zoom out just enough to see the fuller picture - not to minimise your experience, but to remind yourself that you and this hard thing is not your total experience. You are able to control perspective. It’s not toxic positivity, but something that has more profound impact on your day to day lives.
If you've seen Inside Out: I'm not trying to replace the blue, purple or red spheres with yellow ones. I'm just making sure there are a good amount of yellow ones in the mix too.
What's Actually on the Windowsill
I make a lot of effort to consciously and deliberately choose to notice moments that matter. Not in a forced list writing way, but a "oh, that's actually quite lovely".
Just as - if not more - importantly I consciously and deliberately assess situations I can’t control or influence, and let go of those.
These aren't solutions. They won't pay bills, stop something hurting, fix broken systems or resolve complicated situations. But in the middle of difficulty, I focus on moments of connection, beauty, accomplishment, etc. - and that energy, compounded, inspires me reach for growth and more joy. It also stops my energy being sucked from that I can’t change.
So, I’m not pretending the rain doesn't exist. I'm reminding myself that I'm still here, still noticing, with the power to arrange things in ways that brings me good vibes.
The Practical Bit (If You're Looking for One)
Notice without forcing. I'm not making myself write down three things I'm grateful for every day. I’m wont lie to myself that everything is hunky-dory, or everything will be fine(!!) when that is not the current reality. But I do pay attention when something pleasant happens, instead of letting it pass by unnoticed. I stop. I say “huh”. I smile. The difference is subtle but important.
Two things can be true. I can be stressed about (x) AND enjoy (y). I can be grieving AND laugh at something funny. These aren't contradictions. They're just being human. I don't have to choose only one experience at any given moment.
Compound. A moment of noticing a pretty flower didn’t fix anything. But, a week of noticing small moments at every opportunity I could? That starts to shift something. Not the circumstances, but my capacity to move through them and generate creative and spark energy into moving forward and create opportunity for myself.
Resilience isn't about being unaffected by difficulty or avoiding it. It's about finding ways to keep going anyway. It's about remembering that we’re more than our worst day, our biggest stress, our most pressing problem.
The rain might not stop anytime soon, but it also might. Light the candle.
Please, light the bloody candle.
Wrap your fingers around your warm mug.
Smile.
